Devil said Dance

Some point in our lives, we will just sit down. and think, think about our friends, think about our families. --- i have reached this point in my life, and i realized that i am blessed. i am blessed in a way that is unique. --- "i do not choose my friends, i do not leave my friends, i do not hurt my friends" --- that's what a someone told me. live by this 3 simple rules and you'll be just fine. --- but the thing is, i broke all 3 rules. and i guess that's why i'm like this. --- i'm not angry or sad, but sometimes, i can't help and think what would happen if i did some things differently, would everything be better? --- some say "move on" i say "fuck you all" --- this is life, i have to deal with my problems. --- and yes, eriyanti. i am a hypocrite. i don't even care if what you said wasn't aimed at me, but now it's personal. --- "take away all these unnecessary trouble" --- i'm sorry, fazwan. i'm sor...

this video is dedicated to eriyanti, haha. So much for friends anyway. hahahaha... --- i have to say this, aidil's mum cooks up great rendang. EXCELLENT! hahahahaha. ---

sometimes, it's nice being alone. but it hurts to look around and there's no one around. --- but it doesn't matter, does it? we can live alone. we were brought up this way, to be independent. --- and it sucks to be living in a world filled with hypocrites. been living with them my whole life, and i'm afraid that the harder to be different from them, the more i am alike, alike to them. --- i can't describe how sucky it is to be feeling like this. and i know no one gives a fuck but this blog thing is my only output. fuck it. --- i tend to see how pathetic i can be, how weak i can be. it fucking sucks. --- i wish i could just press a reset button, press it, and start my life all over again. how i wish. --- and yeah, i'm done waiting for you, i'm done waiting aimlessly, not knowing whether the feelings mutual. whether it will all pay off. sigh. goodbye, daydream. --- in the wake of a big improvement.

it's been farking boring these few days, highlight farking . never discredit poppy, she'll kill you. haha. --- "mama, we all go to hell" i miss some.. people. --- what if i didn't make it, would you still be by my side. fuck it. --- you know what, bla bla bla bla bla. ---

fuck you adam, fucking stupid boy. may you fucking die in the most brutal way ever. may your whole family die with you. fuck u all. children are fucking stupid, fucking irritating, fuckers. spawn of satan, fucking idiots. --- fuck you adam. that's what happen when you fuck before marriage, you get a stupid boy like adam. the stupidest boy i've ever met. a devil in disguise. --- good day, and fuck you all too.

i always blog about the same old shit, the same old shit where i would go on and on about my problems, i've finally realized something. Nothing about my life is gonna change, nothing drastic, i daresay so why wouldn't i just shut the hell up and do something more productive? well.. it kills me to see so much happiness in this world, kills me to see so much pain in this world. --- okayy, i have no farking idea what the hell that was about. see i have multiple personalities, it's easier to live this way. whenever you're hurt, you can just switch and pretend that nothing happened, so thus decreasing the chances of you ever feeling the pain. it really hurts, you know. haha --- see? haha.. well anyway, i realised how much i'm being ridiculed about me being me, FAT. i'm not hating being fat, i'm just sick of this.. "puki nyer gemok" even though the direct translation is.. vagina so fat.. haha so yeah. it just sucks to be referred as the "fat" o...

life is a very funny thing, everything is a joke. sigh. --- i've been living a dangerous life. and it sucks. --- school sucks, maybe cos i don't go that often. --- it sucks to not know what to blog about, thank you.. blank mind! --- haha

i miss us but i don't intend for us to be together again. i just feel that it's better off for us to go our separate ways. --- i, personally can't be bothered anymore. can't be bothered. ---

we have our issues, we have to deal with it. we have to keep a strong front, even though we're breaking down inside, ------ there's no point in trying, there's no point in being nice ------ it just sucks to be the bad guy, sometimes i feel like giving up is the simplest way out, haha ------ happy birthday iman, thx for being my friend. ------ i know i disappoint you a lot, i'm sorry if i can't live up to your expectations. ------ i wish i was still that boy on your lap, pa. ----- quirky, motherfucking, squeaky!

it sucks to be somebody you're not, sucks to be the unknown hypocrite. it sucks to be waking up to the shits in this world. it sucks to be the last one to know. --- it sucks to be so angry inside, it sucks to be so sad inside. --- haha, i swear i'm going insane! --- school sucks, life sucks, the day couldn't get any greater.

i'm still me, i'm always here. screw u if that's what you think. --- i have my problems, i just don't like to talk about me. i don't like it. i like to immerse myself in other people's problems cos' it helps me forget about mine temporarily. --- how many times do i have to break before i shatter? --- and listen here carefully rangers, i miss u guys! i miss the company. i miss the laughter. i miss the innocence. i miss everything. why did we throw everything away? why did we give up that easily? why do we have to behave like this? sigh.. i'm just sick of crying, i'm just sick of thinking, i'm just sick of being in denial --- "takder korg, takder aku!"

oh well, what's more to say? i just spent an hour just thinking about happenings from this year. barely a year pass and my life changed more than it did in the last 17 years i came of existence. --- some leave while others continue to stay. some change while others stay the same. i guess we have to go through this, no matter how hard we try to avoid it, try to kick it under the carpet. it just delays the pain, delays the eventual pain that will grow and hurt more. --- i never meant to turn out this way. i never meant to hurt you. i never meant to make you angry. i'm wrong. yes, i know. ---

with you all the way, if down it is then i'll go down with ya'll! ----- Hari Raya was great, haha. ----- ---------------- Now playing: T-Pain - SIXTY NINE TIMES via FoxyTunes

these past few days have really been an eye opener for me. --- i guess we have changed too much that it hurts just to look back once in a while. it hurts to even think of the memories, of the better times, when we were all laughing. --- i guess we all have to grow up, sooner or later. it hurts me to see some people that i grew up with, change, just grew different, just drifted apart from me, from, themselves. --- I'm hood, bitch! haha! ---

a whirlwind, too many things overloaded. i can't explain. --- thank you aidil, for teman-ing me the whole night at bk.. stealing roti, drinking kopi. it doesn't get any better than that. --- i'll deal with my probs, i'll be just fine, i'll be okay --- the air seems clearer and cleaner between us all, stupid fights, haha stupid boys, that's what we are and will always be --- hari raya sucks, fark it!, --- to and fro, sgh is my second home my dad's a regular customer there.. i'll get past it all, just look. --- i think the more we try to mend it, the more we break it.. and the more we lose it. and when we lose it.. We have nothing.

I've been m.i.a from here for quite some time.. --- i think it's time to update, hahaha... --- so hari raya just passed us, never was a day in my life that i worked harder to clean my house.. fark! --- i hate entertaining those idiot pakciks and kaypohs makciks.. bloody idiots, farking swine! --- I've just realized something, hari raya is just a time where people pay u to eat their food and kuih.. think about it.. --- selamat hari raya, pricks!

each one of us will definitely have a moment where giving up seems like the best solution, running away, away from it all. the cliche would be, confront it.. or something like don't run away.. fuck it.. fuck it all. Some problems are just not meant to be solved. just leave it there or better yet kick it under the carpet!! --- hahaha! --- spare me the lecture, just turn around and get the hell out of my sight! --- and aidil is back, houston, he's ok --- at least you said hello! that's good enough for me! --- haha, fucking queer! --- you just make me so fucking mad, so fucking pissed all the time. finding faults, that is stupidly childish. that is fuckingly dog-brain comparable. that is so damn fucking stupid so fucking stupid, so irritatingly stupid. so stupid that it makes dog-sniff-butt looks like the answer to all our problems.. unbelievable!

when you think you know a person, everything suddenly changes and you're back to where you started, back at square one. and it sucks, it sucks to have done almost everything to make it better, and it just takes one small matter to restart the fire. --- there's no point, no point --- and to the vice president, get well soon.. and shit...this is scary...hahaha i've read it and can't help but smile! thank you!

the undeniable truth keep taunting me. i have always been in denial in my own world, my beliefs. now i realize it's time for me to move on. --- tell me darling, what am i to you?

you really make me hate you, to the point where i really wished u were dead or better yet, me. maybe my life is meant to be this way.. ---- a good friend of mine said, "why are you always so negative?" as simple a question it may sound, the words really stayed in my head. ---- men are the victim of their own habit, that's what he always said to me ---- "one thing after another they come, they come so fast and hard. i wished for a brighter day, but all that came was more pain i wanted to have some say, but you pushed me way away" ---- let it be, let it be

everything's better off this way, maybe. before the battle is fought, the soldiers give up it's not even the war yet... better off this way

why do we wish for things we can never have? why aren't we satisfied with what we have? ----- here are some questions which i find ridiculously humorous! Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Why did you just try singing the two songs above? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? ----------------- enough of this, ok last.. is it possible to be totally partial? done!!! good day, strange creatures!!!!

Oceans, devotions these notions run dry got me thinking and i don't know why you cut me deep, got me bleeding you're like an anchor, you got me sinking I think that i might be leaving i just don't know how and i'm asking why these consequences got me thinking there will never be a right time to say goodbye Departure time 7:30 i'm packed and ready to go first-class tickets outta here i think it's time to fly off from here You never said you love me maybe once, maybe twice but i know you never mean it you said i'm incorrigible, unmanageable but it's you who's being unpredictable by: randy and me

Modric Celebrating Making his mark! ------------------------------------------------------------ 5-0, the final score.. we played roma in a pre-season friendly bentley and bent scoring doubles each whilst lennon added another we are playing well! hope we will bring our form to the upcoming season

i'm addicted i'm a fool yes, i know that.. --- psychedelic freakout, i just wanna break out point the gun and please blow my brains out!

things change too drastically that i don't even know who some people are. change in itself is a good thing, not denying it.. but why use it to its limit.. why change until you and those around you don't even know who you are anymore.. ------ the feeling of euphoria subsides, that's when the pain kicks in i wish for another dose another one to fly . ---- ...

i love spurs... i love the sunshine, i love the rain ---- go die laaaaa you all!!!!!! ---------------- Now playing: Dance Gavin Dance - And I Told Them I Invented Times New Roman via FoxyTunes

thanks, keane.. you will always be my hero looking strong

haha, i fight and die alone.. no one with me.. smile with me.. ----- can't be bothered anymore.. i've sold my soul to the devil.. ----- i need to start playing rugby again.. ---- cool use of lingo choose your words wisely cos i'm reading ----- "it's me who got the demons to wrestle now." ---------------- Now playing: Lynard Skynard - Tuesday's Gone via FoxyTunes

i'm going down a path that i promised myself i would never go. i don't know what i'm doing, haha.. i don't even know who i am anymore?? ---------------- Now playing: Aaron Lewis feat Fred Durst - Outside via FoxyTunes

mak, u can take your smart comments and shove it up your ass for all i care. my stuff is never important to you, i know. you saw her meddling with my stuff yet you have the cheek to say that you wanted to go to the toilet. thanks a lot la bitch. thanks for nothing. i really don't get you you can be so nice in front of others and you treat me like dirt once everything is over and done with and please, before i lose all sense of my fucking self control, stop it with your snide remarks. ------ "i am stronger than this, i am fucking stronger than you'll ever be."

"the darkness is calling me, calling out to me i can't go.. not yet" ----- the tears is really falling down my cheeks, i can't control, listening to songs that really breaks my heart. i can't take it, thinking "why can't i be positive, why can't i be like the rest, just try to be happy, even though i'm not. i don't even know who i am anymore, i don't even know who i am changing to, i don't know why this has to happen, i don't know why i've even let this happen to myself. --------- "the cut is too deep, i don't think it will ever heal, it stings like a bitch, out of control." -------- "it's what you do to me, it really is" -------- i've been taking a lot of things for granted, a lot things that were never of my concern things that i don't care about, that makes me ungrateful, unappreciative of what others had and is still doing for me, the days are passing faster than we know, sooner than we e...

i blog-hop a lot and it has come to my attention that in every other blog i end up in, there will always be those that have their own sypnosis or better yet their own ideal description of what their brand of friends is and should behave like. Some call them hypocrites and some simply label them back stabbers, posers etc, to me personally, i think the labelers themselves are the real hypocrites here. It takes one to know one, they say. And god forbid, i'm one of them. I mean who the hell are you guys to say how your friends should be like? --------- And now making it official, I am a vulgar person. I'll always be vulgar, i'll scold whatever i want, whenever i want and to whomever i want. Too bad for you if you can't take it. And please laa for goodness sake, don't give me the "i think you're bias" crap, bias...haha...it sounds funny the first time around. There is a reason for what i do, there is a reason why i tone down my lingo when talking to some pe...

"how do you pick up the threads of an old life? how do you go on when in your heart you began to understand there is no going back, there is somethings that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold." ------- i can't put a finger on it but i notice that things are changing.. too fast.. --------- i have lost many things in my life, many things that i treasure, i still think about you. -------- Iphone is so overrated, bloody apple! ------ life is like a chess game, and i just lost my queen ------- don't cry for me, laugh with me, laugh till we can't, till we die! ---------------- Now playing: Hit the Lights - Save Your Breath via FoxyTunes

waking up to the curses of incorrigible bastards are a norm.. laughing at their idiocy is also a norm.. hahaha.. ------ i can't say that i'm not disappointed, i just didn't expect it to be like this i wish things could be the same as they used to. i don't know.. ------ and i wish you would just tell me.. tell me and i won't bother you again i can be a hell of a persistent bitch if i want but i'm tired of chasing you.. i see no point in doing that anymore no point.. ------ and to the women that took care of me my whole life, not being ungrateful or what, but, you are such a bitch sometimes.. i know i have no right in calling u that but you just make yourself hate-able sometimes thanks a lot f***** ------ do girls come with manuals, pissing me off, really! must i be cautious of what i say? Fuck it! ------ "i miss my past, i hate my present, i can't wait for my future." "i'm lying if i say i don't need you, cause i really do, but it doesn...

happy belated birthday to ain and zanaria, i love you both.. --------- i'm blessed to have classmates like randy and syamiran.. cool buggers daaaa... ---- i miss us rangers!!! i miss the times where we can go out whenever we like, miss it!! ---- i'm dying bit by bit, what remains are corroded bits of my entity. i never wanted for this all to happen, if i could take it all back i would, i would..no second thoughts about it!! --- "would you stay awake for me?" "things would never be the same again, people change. and there's nothing i can do about it" "and after all that you've been through, i will make it up to you. you're just a part of me i can't let go" ---------------- Now playing: Fabolous ft. T-Pain - Baby Don't Go via FoxyTunes

every word you say, it's killing me. i don't know what's happening to me, the headaches are getting worse. who i am hates who i've been, really simple quotes to distinguish reality from fantasy. ----------------- "distancing myself from reality it hurts too much here" ---------------- Now playing: Blink 182 - Adam's Song via FoxyTunes

it's been a while since i've been here, many a times i find myself staring at this blank screen, foggy images of recent happenings floating in my head. i don't know where to start and i don't know where to end.. but all i know is that i have a lot of "sorry's" to say, first and foremost, i've not only let myself down, i've let a friend down. i guess i can't please everybody, especially NOT at the same time secondly, to the ranger girls, i'm sorry if i come across as rude and obnoxious sometimes, i just.. i don't know what to say, i don't know.. i'm sorry, ok? i'm so sorry.. people ask me why i bother, i say "he's my friend" but i still mess it up, i know this would happen, i know.. i just don't know why i let it happen. i wish i could replay it back again things are so confusing.. i feel like all this happened before.. my head is so giddy.. i don't want to lose my friends, but why do i do things that...

school starts on monday, and i haven't buy shoes yet. ---------- people who's mindset is still in the '50s should be shot. bloody hell.. -------- i'm done listening to your crap, i'm done giving way to you, i'm done following your lead. ------- like you said, "mak?, why u call me mak? i'm not your mak?, mak kau dar mati" ------- i've chosen this path, i cannot turn back, i can't even look back. i'm sorry -------- "all our fears will eat us inside out, i never meant for this to happen, i really didn't." "1, 2 Fuck you, i won't change for you" ---------------- Listening to: Cobra Starship - The Kids Are All Fucked Up via FoxyTunes

human beings are queer creatures, u and i. no matter how i try to steer myself away from the matter, we are who we are. some of us hide our feelings under the creases of our heart, whilst some of us put ours on broad sleeves. i can safely say that i've met a lot of very frighteningly interesting people. some outrageously insane, some incredibly timid, few beautifully black-hearted. i never said i'm better than any of them, and i know i probably never will. what's the purpose of our existence, why are we here. why? i guess we're just part of the master plan or aren't we? ---------------- Listening to: Damien Rice - 9 Crimes via FoxyTunes

Happy Birthday, Qamarul Arrifin Bin Abdul Rasheed a.k.a Qua Saikong. Knowing you has been my Pleasure, quite surprisingly, hahs I pray for your long life and your well being, whenever i'm praying, of course. ----------------- Thank You, Cik Rasheed and Munira for the treat, baby! ------------- "no matter how hard we try to conceal it, the skeletons keep popping in our closets. no matter how hard we try to lie, all our secrets will surface one day" "i'm holding on, but you're letting go. i'm making pancakes, you're leaving home." "i've tried to love you, i know u did too. we're too different, me and you." ---------------- Listening to: Iron & Wine - Naked As We Came via FoxyTunes

yesterday was probably the gerek-est day ever hahs i met the coolest taxi driver ever, smoke in his cab, drove like 130km/h most of the time.. hahs bitching about "KELING-KIA" i had to admit, i've always had this thing against chinese people, but the people i met yesterday showed me that not all of them are disgusting, nose-picking, son of a bitches. the taxi driver, the dude who gave us 3 free tickets.. enough of this. the atmosphere at the stadium was quite ok, quite a turn-out.. Singapore actually put up a fight, quite shocking Duric was marvelous, Precious was outstanding in defence, Lionel prove he is still the No. 1 keeper in S'pore the rest of the players are quite good, shi jiayi has a very good vision, his ball passing is also superb. after winning this match, i hope S'pore can go all the way ----------- "My worst fear is being what you want me to be Never would i imagined that things were screwed up like this. Your words, all lies makes me wanna cr...

happy birthday, mak you are already old, haha --------- "things are getting better, skies are becoming clearer. whatever is the matter, it can wait till later" ----------- i love us, rangers! -------- why do i even bother, i don't know why i give a damn maybe.. FUCK IT!!!!! ---------------- Listening to: Jonas Brothers - When You Look Me In The Eyes via FoxyTunes

yesterday was fun, it was ok, it was quite good, it was exemplary enough, it was..ok.. --------- fazz, u know i love you! i didn't mean to ever doubt you i'm sorry i should know better i should --------- and qua, mcm story hindustan ar lu but nvm, i know you're strong be happy.. ------------ and eri, i don't know what to say.. hahs tell efy i said happy birthday.. so short..20 years old already.. hahs.. ------------ and mira, like i said.. "Anda perlu jadi wonder woman sementara superman anda rehat" correct right? be strong too.. ---------- "i never i thought i say this, but i miss u like crazy" --------------- Listening to: A1 - Fixing A Broken Heart via FoxyTunes

There's no reason for me to stay here anymore there's nothing, there's nothing. i just don't know what the fuck is your problem i don't know fuck off give me my space! FUCK! i don't know what to say anymore i just don't know I'm trying to rationalize everything I'm trying to put everything into perspective. i try I'm not perfect, i know you don't have to tell me you don't have to remind me what i am in your eyes you don't have to, i know it's the simple things that mattered, i know i don't matter i've never been i have a lot of regrets in my life a lot. if money is so important to you keep it bitch keep it, take it all take it i don't give a FUCK i don't give a rat's ass to what you have to say i've heard enough enough! i have to be patient, FUCK YOU!! ---------------- and yan, i feel like i have to get this off my chest i'm sorry FUCK YOU!! u don't know the one thing about me and you have the ball...

i've never felt so bad, i've always wanted things to be right but circumstances don't allow me to ----------------------------- i know u are sick, i know i over-reacted to some things i don't know how and what to say.. i've said too many things that i know have hurt you too many things -------------------- i heard you cry yourself to sleep, i wasn't sleeping, it broke my heart i knew i hurt you ----------------- and yan, thanks for the advice ---------------- Mira, get well soon! ----------------------- " so many things i wished i hadn't done, so many things i wished i had left unsaid and undone makes me realize my actions were reckless, the pain i felt, i don't wanna feel it again." --------------------------- ---------------- Listening to: All Time Low - Six Feet Under The Stars via FoxyTunes

" don't tell me what i can't do, don't ever tell me that " " empty promises, full lies, hazy truth, it's all bull!" ---------------- Listening to: Taylor Swift - I'm Only Me When I'm With You via FoxyTunes

The day i feared would always happen.. a day where i would i actually lay my hand on my father bloody hell, i lost all sense of self-control today i never meant to do it i never meant to do it what you're angry at me for choosing the wrong course in ite.come on my friends has nothing to do with the choices i make.. and don't u ever dare try to bring my friends into this u jerk you wanna see attitude, take this bitch i'll never be good enough for u is it.. i try so hard, u will never know that u know why i take electrical, fool i place that as my 2nd choice because mama wants me to. no.. u don't wanna hear to reason, u egoistic, shallow jerk it's not all about climbing things bitch fuck, i don't even know how to get my point in your fickle-minded brain what is your problem, and what, because i fidget around, u wanna kick me u wanna kick me u wanna bloody kick me i would just sit down if i'm around 12 i'm sorry, i'm sorry --------------------------- ...

"Your words, burn my resistance away. Your words, break my heart. i'm sorry, i never meant to turn out this way.. i never meant to throw it all in your face. i never meant to do a lot of things. This time around, i'll make sure i do it carefully too much is at stake.." --------------------------------- to the rangers, i miss u guys like crazy.. maybe not eri...hahs to faz..i love u like hell to mira, where the hell u go? to eri, i hate Sats, to qua, waaa pergi negeri aku nampak..i miss u like crazy ---------------- Listening to: Secondhand Serenade - Stay Close, Don't Go via FoxyTunes

it's been a hectic few weeks, first of all i would like to apologize to some people. sorry pa, i didn't make it for your birthday party, sorry auntie, i know i was a bad employee sorry fazz, i should have layan-ed you more..hahs ------------------------------------------- i'm sick and tired of trying to please people, i know i'll never be able to. i know i'll never be able to. your words are like poison, it eats me up from inside, leaving me hollow and empty. ------------------------------------- "I don't get you . . I can't forget what you've forgotten All along I've never been so alone" "Your fascination With naked walls of silk and skin With no conditions I needed you to notice.... That's all I wanted" "We can not hide what we've become So sick and tired of being numb It's done, it's done It's done" ---------------- Listening to: Arctic Monkeys - Bigger Boys and Stolen Sweethearts via FoxyTunes

results are back, and i failed like shit.. seriously..i know i'm dumb.. but THIS dumb..come on.. i can't even bear to see the pink slip ever again.. i don't wanna sound like a sissy but.. even i disappoint myself.. there's no other words to describe it.. i'm so lost.. i need to get on with my fucking life. and maybe things don't come my way cause' i forget HIM i don't think of him, i don't thank him.. i feel like i have to prove something to everybody.. your faces say it all...it hit me..i let you guys down i let myself down, maybe i'm crapping and my head is playing with me.. i replayed all kinds of scenario of what could happen.. it's just that i missed the part where i would fail badly.. damn it.. i'm just lucky to have friends like qua, faz, mira, eri, jup, faritz and lately khairi..yes...thanks for the encouragements, that's all i need for now.. u tend to take granted of things and only begin to realize your mistakes once you not...

"the pain keeps pulling me back to reality, whenever i distant myself from it. your words pierce my heart, your actions tear it apart. i never meant for this to happen, i never meant for this to happen." ------------------------------ need space, join NASA baby... remember fazwan... hahaha i don't get what she meant.. ok wadeva..i don't care anymore i know that we are worlds apart.. worlds apart.. it's okay.. i'm retreating, i'm retreating.. ---------------- Listening to: As Tall As Lions - Love, Love, Love via FoxyTunes

"thank you, but goodbye" ---------------------- qua, faz, mira and eri.. i love u guys....NOT!!!!! bored as hell "don't cry, mirza" "don't whine, adam" ---------------------- "i miss u, ayah and ibu" ---------------- Listening to: Panic! At The Disco - The Only Difference Between Martyrdom And Suicide Is Press Coverage via FoxyTunes