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waking up to the curses of incorrigible bastards are a norm..
laughing at their idiocy is also a norm..
hahaha..
------
i can't say that i'm not disappointed,
i just didn't expect it to be like this
i wish things could be the same as they used to.
i don't know..
------
and i wish you would just tell me..
tell me and i won't bother you again
i can be a hell of a persistent bitch if i want
but i'm tired of chasing you..
i see no point in doing that anymore
no point..
------
and to the women that took care of me my whole life,
not being ungrateful or what,
but,
you are such a bitch sometimes..
i know i have no right in calling u that
but you just make yourself hate-able sometimes
thanks a lot f*****
------
do girls come with manuals,
pissing me off, really!
must i be cautious of what i say?
Fuck it!
------
"i miss my past,
i hate my present,
i can't wait for my future."

"i'm lying if i say i don't need you,
cause i really do,
but it doesn't seem to matter to you"


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Now playing: VHS Or Beta - Can't Believe A Single Word
via FoxyTunes

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it's more than depressing when i find myself stuck in conversations with peers and motherfuckers who are talking about buying cars that are like half a mill and i am here thinking to myself if i can afford dinner tonight. but i pretend and laugh with them and talk out of my ass as if i knew what the fuck was going on, then after the forced conversations i find myself tracking back how much i just spent on rent alone for the past 15 years and i sink further into depression and i fall again into pit of darkness where my depression awaits i am sick and tired of being a broke ass bitch, and i can't help to feel nothing but anger for the people that pretended to love and care but fucked me over when all i needed was them. this is why i hate to write all this shit down cos i will start crying like a little bitch, i wish i can and knew how to get over this. i'm too damn grown to be breaking down all the time.
How is it my fault that you guys go broke? I didn't ask you to invest in that business.. Remember it's your mistakes, not mine. I can't go to school cos you sending her go overseas and shit, I have to work and support myself and help with the bills? Tell me which part of it is fair? I try to not ask money all the time but please use your brain, I don't have to eat? I don't have to spend money when I go out? Is that your idea of fair? Might as well I move out, live on my own since I have to pay for everything. At least if I do that I have a place to call my own, I have no privacy here, I have no room, I hate sleeping on the floor, you know how sucky that is, every fucking day, son of a bitch, no one understand my needs and shit, and you call yourselves my family, no man, that is total bullshit.
i feel like i am worthless, i know i am, i can't amount to anything good. i spend hours telling myself that i am actually a good person with a normal life but i am not. this feeling of emptiness inside me makes me go crazy. i know i am a disappointment, a burden to your perfect family. i'm sorry for being born and brought into your perfect existence. i wished i had died with my mother. i wished i wasn't here today, at all. i am not saying this just because of a bad day or what but i have felt this way most of my life and nothing you say or you can do that will change that. i am just so tired of all this.