Skip to main content
i always blog about the same old shit,
the same old shit where i would go on
and on about my problems,
i've finally realized something.
Nothing about my life is gonna change,
nothing drastic, i daresay
so why wouldn't i just shut the hell up and
do something more productive?
well..
it kills me to see so much happiness in
this world,
kills me to see so much pain in this world.
---
okayy,
i have no farking idea what the hell that was
about.
see i have multiple personalities,
it's easier to live this way.
whenever you're hurt,
you can just switch and pretend that nothing
happened,
so thus decreasing the chances of you
ever feeling the pain.
it really hurts, you know.
haha
---
see?
haha..
well anyway,
i realised how much i'm being ridiculed about
me being me,
FAT.
i'm not hating being fat,
i'm just sick of this..
"puki nyer gemok"
even though the direct translation is..
vagina so fat..
haha
so yeah.
it just sucks to be referred as the "fat" one.
don't go laughing about this.
try imagining you're fat,
and people reminding you that you're
fat every single day of your life.
every single fucking day of
your life.
try living with that and
then come to me if you have a farking problem.
then i'll shove your hand in your rear end.
---
happy birthday fazwan,
live a happy life,
hakuna matata!
Vanessa's mine bitch!
thank you, mai!
even though you threaten
to kick me out of the car
over and over again.
haha
---
to be continued..

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

reasons to kill myself

what would be better if everything is to end now for this pathetic excuse of a life and a waste of space of an existence that i call life now. 1. No more pain in my heart and head. 2. No more stressing about money, about being able to afford dinner tonight. 3. Just be free in the nothingness of the darkness. 4. Can't be a disappointment and a failure when there is nothing in the dark huh -- what is the word that describes the pain in your heart and soul that is beyond thought? i am the poison, that's why people leave me. i hope that this gets me through one more day.
Today is tougher than usual, i feel like i am shouting in my head and no one can hear me. i can feel myself day by day becoming more bitter about everything, my mood's to shit and i spend most of my time just trying to calm myself down. There is no semblance of life and i am thumping against the glass, with every thump a crack appears and once it's about to break, all the cracks disappears and i do it all over again, every single day. i took a degree that fucked me, stuck in a dead end job, maybe today's the day that the fates finally had their fill and end it all for me. i hope they do.
I've lost everyone i know. I let it become like this, i thought it would feel better, it does don't get me wrong, but it still feels bad. I wish i held onto some of it instead of cutting it all off. I didn't realize that it will sting like this. I'm getting older, and I'm still in pain. it doesn't get any better but i have been through this for so long that I'm almost numb to it all. But on the other hand if they were really my friends and if the friendships was worth it for them, they would've held on to this too, but they didn't. So that's that. I want to do so many things but my dark passenger trips and blocks me every single time i attempt to change. Maybe it's all fucked and i gotta learn to be at peace.