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both of you broke me and i am still trying to fix myself, and the reality is that i probably won't till the day i die. i feel like my mind and my soul is broken. in my madness amidst the overwhelming pain of the mental and emotianal trauma, i've cut all ties to the world, to the people i knew but let's be honest, we weren't close anyway..

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I never, never want to go homeBecause I haven't got one

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i feel like i am worthless, i know i am, i can't amount to anything good. i spend hours telling myself that i am actually a good person with a normal life but i am not. this feeling of emptiness inside me makes me go crazy. i know i am a disappointment, a burden to your perfect family. i'm sorry for being born and brought into your perfect existence. i wished i had died with my mother. i wished i wasn't here today, at all. i am not saying this just because of a bad day or what but i have felt this way most of my life and nothing you say or you can do that will change that. i am just so tired of all this.
I've lost everyone i know. I let it become like this, i thought it would feel better, it does don't get me wrong, but it still feels bad. I wish i held onto some of it instead of cutting it all off. I didn't realize that it will sting like this. I'm getting older, and I'm still in pain. it doesn't get any better but i have been through this for so long that I'm almost numb to it all. But on the other hand if they were really my friends and if the friendships was worth it for them, they would've held on to this too, but they didn't. So that's that. I want to do so many things but my dark passenger trips and blocks me every single time i attempt to change. Maybe it's all fucked and i gotta learn to be at peace. 
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