These past few days has been shittier than normal. How do you stay positive?

Maybe it's all the junk i stuff in my face, hoping to fill the big motherfucking hole in my life.

I'm so deep in the hole that the light goes in and out for a split second before it disappears and leave me,

There was a time when i used to look forward to the future, but my body physically cringes at the thought of trying to live for another day, i sit here and wait for things to change which i know that it fucking won't but i still wait. I have cut ties from everyone that i know, all the "family and friends" but the truth is sometimes they are the ones who cut ties with me, it's hard being honest with myself cos sometimes i lie to myself to just make it through the day, that people around me actually gave a fuck but they don't. am i a narcissist? the thoughts in my head gets so deafening that i prefer silence most of the time. and when it all dials down i need to blast music in my ears to up the ante again, and round and round the cycle continues.