why am i the way i am? i do so many things that i know will hurt me but i keep on doing it, like a fucking broken record. and the fucked up thing is that most of the times it's as if i'm having an out of body experience, looking down on my stupid ass making stupid mistakes and then like a snap i'm in it and fucking sweating like a fucking bitch. i don't know how to stop it. i'm so fucking tired of being this way, i need help and i don't know where or who is willing to even help my bitch ass when i obviously can't even help myself.
These past few days has been shittier than normal. How do you stay positive? Maybe it's all the junk i stuff in my face, hoping to fill the big motherfucking hole in my life. I'm so deep in the hole that the light goes in and out for a split second before it disappears and leave me, There was a time when i used to look forward to the future, but my body physically cringes at the thought of trying to live for another day, i sit here and wait for things to change which i know that it fucking won't but i still wait. I have cut ties from everyone that i know, all the "family and friends" but the truth is sometimes they are the ones who cut ties with me, it's hard being honest with myself cos sometimes i lie to myself to just make it through the day, that people around me actually gave a fuck but they don't. am i a narcissist? the thoughts in my head gets so deafening that i prefer silence most of the time. and when it all dials down i need to blast music in my...
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