why am i the way i am? i do so many things that i know will hurt me but i keep on doing it, like a fucking broken record. and the fucked up thing is that most of the times it's as if i'm having an out of body experience, looking down on my stupid ass making stupid mistakes and then like a snap i'm in it and fucking sweating like a fucking bitch. i don't know how to stop it. i'm so fucking tired of being this way, i need help and i don't know where or who is willing to even help my bitch ass when i obviously can't even help myself.
what would be better if everything is to end now for this pathetic excuse of a life and a waste of space of an existence that i call life now. 1. No more pain in my heart and head. 2. No more stressing about money, about being able to afford dinner tonight. 3. Just be free in the nothingness of the darkness. 4. Can't be a disappointment and a failure when there is nothing in the dark huh -- what is the word that describes the pain in your heart and soul that is beyond thought? i am the poison, that's why people leave me. i hope that this gets me through one more day.
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