why am i the way i am? i do so many things that i know will hurt me but i keep on doing it, like a fucking broken record. and the fucked up thing is that most of the times it's as if i'm having an out of body experience, looking down on my stupid ass making stupid mistakes and then like a snap i'm in it and fucking sweating like a fucking bitch. i don't know how to stop it. i'm so fucking tired of being this way, i need help and i don't know where or who is willing to even help my bitch ass when i obviously can't even help myself.
My year has been nothing but pain and disappointments, but so has my life, i am broke, alone and the thought of ending it all comes to my mind everyday. i have gone through one hell of a storm and somehow i am still here, i don't know how, i don't know why. it must be a sick joke to someone i guess. i am haunted by what could have been, i am ashamed of how i fucked it all up. i am ashamed of how i let other people fuck it up on my behalf, if only i knew better. but what's done is done and i am reaping what i sow. I wish everyone who is reading this dreadful post a happy new year, may it be filled with happiness and love.
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