i feel like i am worthless, i know i am, i can't amount to anything good. i spend hours telling myself that i am actually a good person with a normal life but i am not. this feeling of emptiness inside me makes me go crazy. i know i am a disappointment, a burden to your perfect family. i'm sorry for being born and brought into your perfect existence. i wished i had died with my mother. i wished i wasn't here today, at all. i am not saying this just because of a bad day or what but i have felt this way most of my life and nothing you say or you can do that will change that. i am just so tired of all this.
These past few days has been shittier than normal. How do you stay positive? Maybe it's all the junk i stuff in my face, hoping to fill the big motherfucking hole in my life. I'm so deep in the hole that the light goes in and out for a split second before it disappears and leave me, There was a time when i used to look forward to the future, but my body physically cringes at the thought of trying to live for another day, i sit here and wait for things to change which i know that it fucking won't but i still wait. I have cut ties from everyone that i know, all the "family and friends" but the truth is sometimes they are the ones who cut ties with me, it's hard being honest with myself cos sometimes i lie to myself to just make it through the day, that people around me actually gave a fuck but they don't. am i a narcissist? the thoughts in my head gets so deafening that i prefer silence most of the time. and when it all dials down i need to blast music in my...
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