Devil said Dance

Happy Birthday Qamarul.

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i've done things that i've learn to regret.
somethings that are undo-able.
that no amount of sorry's that can be forgiven.
i've hurt people in ways that i wish i hadn't.

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i don't know who i can trust anymore,
i used to think that friends don't talk about each
other behind their backs.
i used to think that all these could have been a misunderstanding,
but maybe they're like that.
they like to lie.
deceive.

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could it be that i'm the hypocritical one.

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i never meant for all this to happen,
i really didn't.

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"i wish i could retrace my steps,
i wish i could repay all my debts.
i heard all the things you said to me,
it saddens me cos it's reality.
i haven't been the best of character,
neither would you,
if you were in my shoes,
you would probably wither and disappear."

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what would be better if everything is to end now for this pathetic excuse of a life and a waste of space of an existence that i call life now. 1. No more pain in my heart and head. 2. No more stressing about money, about being able to afford dinner tonight. 3. Just be free in the nothingness of the darkness. 4. Can't be a disappointment and a failure when there is nothing in the dark huh -- what is the word that describes the pain in your heart and soul that is beyond thought? i am the poison, that's why people leave me. i hope that this gets me through one more day.