Devil said Dance

I don't know why am I still here, breathing and pretending as if everything's ok. I really wanna be okay. I don't want to feel hollow inside, I don't wanna feel that I have nothing to live for, I'm not living, I'm just existing. I'm sick to the bone with everything. I just want it all to stop. I feel that i am losing myself to this darkness inside me. I fear that I like it. Like not feeling anything. Like not having to care. Please don't make it stop.

I'm not okay, no matter how many times I try to convince myself I'm okay. I don't know what to feel, think or do. Sleep eludes me. If I know any better, I think I'm losing my mind. Maybe it's how things drastically change, how people around me change. I do not like it. Not one bit. Maybe it's me losing my mind. I don't know. My whole family is fake, my friends are fake. So bloody fake. I feel weird, like everything is not real, I really don't know how to describe it, ya know. I don't have people anyone to talk to, that's why I'm typing it down. I don't know how long more I can control myself, I feel so angry, all the time, I feel like punching someone so hard my hand goes through their face. I feel like taking a knife and burying it in their gut. I don't know why, it just is. I feel so empty, so hollow. Filled with anger, rage. So much anger my hand trembles when I think about it. I just want it to end. All of it. Everything. Please.

i really don't wanna be rude to you, do you think i like it. i wanna apologize if sometimes my words may hurt you. maybe i'm damaged goods. maybe. i really wanna be a good mild mannered person. but sometimes there's so much rage and fucking madness in my heart and i don't know why. i wanna scream, i wanna hurt someone and i wanna cry. all at the same time. i really don't know. ---- i'm so sorry, i didn't mean what i say. i didn't mean to hurt you. i didn't mean for it to be this way. forgive me. cause i know i won't forgive myself. ---- "Trapped inside my own head With nothing but my own fevered dreams to comfort me. I know the pain of the madman; He lives inside of me. I've felt the strength of demons And the weakness of self- preservation. And hope. Hope. Hey, parents, do you know where your kids are tonight? Are they locked away inside of themselves? Are their minds slipping away? Mama hen, mama hen . . . The fox has taken your baby a...

the constant bickering and curses are really pissing me off. why do you like to pick on every little thing. why can't you just let it slide. if you want someone that's good in numbers get a bloody accountant you jackass. don't expect everyone and everything to be perfect. you know why i'm tired of you, cos you are a tyrant and fucking jerk.

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sometimes i wonder why i'm like this, always hot tempered and curses are my second language. then i realize, you're like that too. you can never talk to people nicely. you can never not use swear words. i am not a criminal, they are not criminals. don't be a bitch. don't be a fucking jerk. don't make me hate you more, old man. ---

"when everything is so messed up and you feel like giving up. think of tomorrow and how bright it shines. look at the pills in your hands and think what you're doing to yourself. think of the her and be at peace with it. change your life like how you want it to be. don't think of the corruption or how easy they're let off. be strong, inside and out. be strong and keep that smile always." --- the sweat and tears irritates the eyes. but just swallow the pain and crumple it. like it's not there.