Devil said Dance

i really don't wanna be rude to you, do you think i like it.

i wanna apologize if sometimes my words may hurt you.

maybe i'm damaged goods.

maybe.

i really wanna be a good mild mannered person.

but sometimes there's so much rage and fucking madness in my heart and i don't know why.

i wanna scream, i wanna hurt someone and i wanna cry.

all at the same time.

i really don't know.

----

i'm so sorry,

i didn't mean what i say.

i didn't mean to hurt you.

i didn't mean for it to be this way.

forgive me.

cause i know i won't forgive myself.

----

"Trapped inside my own head
With nothing but my own fevered dreams to comfort me.
I know the pain of the madman;
He lives inside of me.
I've felt the strength of demons
And the weakness of self- preservation.
And hope. Hope.
Hey, parents, do you know where your kids are tonight?
Are they locked away inside of themselves?
Are their minds slipping away?
Mama hen, mama hen . . .
The fox has taken your baby again.
Precious minds are a shame to waste
Memories are forgotten in haste.
I am losing all that is me . . .
Yet gaining something entirely different.
Something that acts like an animal
And speaks like God.
Comforts me like a best friend
And loves me like its child.
I am its child.
An innocent brat, ready for its teachings.
Ready to do what is told to me.
Believing all that is said to me.
Taking in all.
And living off of my fevered dreams."

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reasons to kill myself

what would be better if everything is to end now for this pathetic excuse of a life and a waste of space of an existence that i call life now. 1. No more pain in my heart and head. 2. No more stressing about money, about being able to afford dinner tonight. 3. Just be free in the nothingness of the darkness. 4. Can't be a disappointment and a failure when there is nothing in the dark huh -- what is the word that describes the pain in your heart and soul that is beyond thought? i am the poison, that's why people leave me. i hope that this gets me through one more day.