i really don't wanna be rude to you, do you think i like it.

i wanna apologize if sometimes my words may hurt you.

maybe i'm damaged goods.

maybe.

i really wanna be a good mild mannered person.

but sometimes there's so much rage and fucking madness in my heart and i don't know why.

i wanna scream, i wanna hurt someone and i wanna cry.

all at the same time.

i really don't know.

----

i'm so sorry,

i didn't mean what i say.

i didn't mean to hurt you.

i didn't mean for it to be this way.

forgive me.

cause i know i won't forgive myself.

----

"Trapped inside my own head
With nothing but my own fevered dreams to comfort me.
I know the pain of the madman;
He lives inside of me.
I've felt the strength of demons
And the weakness of self- preservation.
And hope. Hope.
Hey, parents, do you know where your kids are tonight?
Are they locked away inside of themselves?
Are their minds slipping away?
Mama hen, mama hen . . .
The fox has taken your baby again.
Precious minds are a shame to waste
Memories are forgotten in haste.
I am losing all that is me . . .
Yet gaining something entirely different.
Something that acts like an animal
And speaks like God.
Comforts me like a best friend
And loves me like its child.
I am its child.
An innocent brat, ready for its teachings.
Ready to do what is told to me.
Believing all that is said to me.
Taking in all.
And living off of my fevered dreams."