I'm not okay, no matter how many times I try to convince myself I'm okay. I don't know what to feel, think or do. Sleep eludes me. If I know any better, I think I'm losing my mind. Maybe it's how things drastically change, how people around me change. I do not like it. Not one bit. Maybe it's me losing my mind. I don't know. My whole family is fake, my friends are fake. So bloody fake. I feel weird, like everything is not real, I really don't know how to describe it, ya know. I don't have people anyone to talk to, that's why I'm typing it down. I don't know how long more I can control myself, I feel so angry, all the time, I feel like punching someone so hard my hand goes through their face. I feel like taking a knife and burying it in their gut. I don't know why, it just is. I feel so empty, so hollow. Filled with anger, rage. So much anger my hand trembles when I think about it. I just want it to end. All of it. Everything. Please.
There is only one way i make it through this shithole of an existance and i know i'm not gonna get it. Maybe it's a good thing that things don't work out for me in this life, but it does suck when every day is so hard to get through. Yeah i get, get over it dude. there are people who are worse off and shit, but i am not them. I have pretended to be someone i'm not for so long, amongst people who actually don't give a fuck if i'm still here or not. What's real at this point, what's things song and dance i pretend to do, day in day out, at this point. What's the point in it all ya know. Maybe i'm just bitter, maybe i'm being a bitch. I know things can be worse like being broke broke or not having anywhere to sleep, maybe i should be grateful of the little things in life, see the good and shit.
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