I'm not okay, no matter how many times I try to convince myself I'm okay. I don't know what to feel, think or do. Sleep eludes me. If I know any better, I think I'm losing my mind. Maybe it's how things drastically change, how people around me change. I do not like it. Not one bit. Maybe it's me losing my mind. I don't know. My whole family is fake, my friends are fake. So bloody fake. I feel weird, like everything is not real, I really don't know how to describe it, ya know. I don't have people anyone to talk to, that's why I'm typing it down. I don't know how long more I can control myself, I feel so angry, all the time, I feel like punching someone so hard my hand goes through their face. I feel like taking a knife and burying it in their gut. I don't know why, it just is. I feel so empty, so hollow. Filled with anger, rage. So much anger my hand trembles when I think about it. I just want it to end. All of it. Everything. Please.
results are back, and i failed like shit.. seriously..i know i'm dumb.. but THIS dumb..come on.. i can't even bear to see the pink slip ever again.. i don't wanna sound like a sissy but.. even i disappoint myself.. there's no other words to describe it.. i'm so lost.. i need to get on with my fucking life. and maybe things don't come my way cause' i forget HIM i don't think of him, i don't thank him.. i feel like i have to prove something to everybody.. your faces say it all...it hit me..i let you guys down i let myself down, maybe i'm crapping and my head is playing with me.. i replayed all kinds of scenario of what could happen.. it's just that i missed the part where i would fail badly.. damn it.. i'm just lucky to have friends like qua, faz, mira, eri, jup, faritz and lately khairi..yes...thanks for the encouragements, that's all i need for now.. u tend to take granted of things and only begin to realize your mistakes once you not...
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