Devil said Dance

I don't know why am I still here, breathing and pretending as if everything's ok. I really wanna be okay. I don't want to feel hollow inside, I don't wanna feel that I have nothing to live for, I'm not living, I'm just existing. I'm sick to the bone with everything. I just want it all to stop. I feel that i am losing myself to this darkness inside me. I fear that I like it. Like not feeling anything. Like not having to care. Please don't make it stop.

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I remember standing at the gate and you came to me, You came and asked me to stop calling you mama. My soul shattered at that moment, I was 7 or 8. ---- I remembered giving up on myself at that moment, I don't belong. I don't belong anywhere. --- I dreamt i was in your embrace, I dreamt we were laughing over dinner, How you were proud of me and told me you love me No matter what. Then i woke up in the nightmare that is my life. --- Would dying hurt? Is it like a black tide that sweeps you into the dark ocean? Or is it like drifting somewhere? Would anyone miss me when i'm gone? I have spent far too long contemplating this, Should i just get this over and done with? I feel like the weight of all this pain is breaking my shoulders, crushing me. And all i can afford to do is to let it.

cold day, cold hearts cold people, cold farts? --- anyway, have i mentioned that i am in love with smallville. haha. i am attracted to a girl that doesn't even know i exist. two hearts living in two different worlds. so ya. fuck it. --- COYS ---