I don't know why am I still here, breathing and pretending as if everything's ok. I really wanna be okay. I don't want to feel hollow inside, I don't wanna feel that I have nothing to live for, I'm not living, I'm just existing. I'm sick to the bone with everything. I just want it all to stop. I feel that i am losing myself to this darkness inside me. I fear that I like it. Like not feeling anything. Like not having to care. Please don't make it stop.
These past few days has been shittier than normal. How do you stay positive? Maybe it's all the junk i stuff in my face, hoping to fill the big motherfucking hole in my life. I'm so deep in the hole that the light goes in and out for a split second before it disappears and leave me, There was a time when i used to look forward to the future, but my body physically cringes at the thought of trying to live for another day, i sit here and wait for things to change which i know that it fucking won't but i still wait. I have cut ties from everyone that i know, all the "family and friends" but the truth is sometimes they are the ones who cut ties with me, it's hard being honest with myself cos sometimes i lie to myself to just make it through the day, that people around me actually gave a fuck but they don't. am i a narcissist? the thoughts in my head gets so deafening that i prefer silence most of the time. and when it all dials down i need to blast music in my...
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