Devil said Dance

whenever i feel myself getting near to that edge, near the bottomless pit of depression i just wanna dive in and let go and be at peace. i am living this constant cycle of knowing this will happen but i just don't know when. these dreams are getting darker and darker, i am tired of waking up in tears and sobbing.

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My year has been nothing but pain and disappointments, but so has my life, i am broke, alone and the thought of ending it all comes to my mind everyday. i have gone through one hell of a storm and somehow i am still here, i don't know how, i don't know why. it must be a sick joke to someone i guess. i am haunted by what could have been, i am ashamed of how i fucked it all up. i am ashamed of how i let other people fuck it up on my behalf, if only i knew better. but what's done is done and i am reaping what i sow. I wish everyone who is reading this dreadful post a happy new year, may it be filled with happiness and love.

I remember standing at the gate and you came to me, You came and asked me to stop calling you mama. My soul shattered at that moment, I was 7 or 8. ---- I remembered giving up on myself at that moment, I don't belong. I don't belong anywhere. --- I dreamt i was in your embrace, I dreamt we were laughing over dinner, How you were proud of me and told me you love me No matter what. Then i woke up in the nightmare that is my life. --- Would dying hurt? Is it like a black tide that sweeps you into the dark ocean? Or is it like drifting somewhere? Would anyone miss me when i'm gone? I have spent far too long contemplating this, Should i just get this over and done with? I feel like the weight of all this pain is breaking my shoulders, crushing me. And all i can afford to do is to let it.

cold day, cold hearts cold people, cold farts? --- anyway, have i mentioned that i am in love with smallville. haha. i am attracted to a girl that doesn't even know i exist. two hearts living in two different worlds. so ya. fuck it. --- COYS ---