I remember standing at the gate and you came to me,
You came and asked me to stop calling you mama.
My soul shattered at that moment,
I was 7 or 8.

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I remembered giving up on myself at that moment,
I don't belong. I don't belong anywhere.

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I dreamt i was in your embrace,
I dreamt we were laughing over dinner,
How you were proud of me and told me you love me
No matter what.
Then i woke up in the nightmare that is my life.

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Would dying hurt?
Is it like a black tide that sweeps you into the dark ocean? Or is it like drifting somewhere?
Would anyone miss me when i'm gone?
I have spent far too long contemplating this,
Should i just get this over and done with?
I feel like the weight of all this pain is breaking my shoulders, crushing me.
And all i can afford to do is to let it.