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i need to disappear. i am struggling to wake up everyday without thinking of suicide.

i go through this cycle of depression and the desire to kill myself constantly, daily, hourly, i don't know how long i can fight this off before i actually do it.

i come back to this rental room where i overpay for and just stuff myself with food even though i am not hungry. i barely survive each day, i sometimes go to the top floor of each building and talk myself down from just ending it all. i don't know why i do this, i have no one, i have no strings.

i had a panic attack when getting take out for dinner, there were like a million muhfuckas around me and i i just suddenly started sweating and shit, things started to get weird, took everything i had to pull myself out of that place.

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