Skip to main content

i need to disappear. i am struggling to wake up everyday without thinking of suicide.

i go through this cycle of depression and the desire to kill myself constantly, daily, hourly, i don't know how long i can fight this off before i actually do it.

i come back to this rental room where i overpay for and just stuff myself with food even though i am not hungry. i barely survive each day, i sometimes go to the top floor of each building and talk myself down from just ending it all. i don't know why i do this, i have no one, i have no strings.

i had a panic attack when getting take out for dinner, there were like a million muhfuckas around me and i i just suddenly started sweating and shit, things started to get weird, took everything i had to pull myself out of that place.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

reasons to kill myself

what would be better if everything is to end now for this pathetic excuse of a life and a waste of space of an existence that i call life now. 1. No more pain in my heart and head. 2. No more stressing about money, about being able to afford dinner tonight. 3. Just be free in the nothingness of the darkness. 4. Can't be a disappointment and a failure when there is nothing in the dark huh -- what is the word that describes the pain in your heart and soul that is beyond thought? i am the poison, that's why people leave me. i hope that this gets me through one more day.
Post a Comment
Read more
Today is tougher than usual, i feel like i am shouting in my head and no one can hear me. i can feel myself day by day becoming more bitter about everything, my mood's to shit and i spend most of my time just trying to calm myself down. There is no semblance of life and i am thumping against the glass, with every thump a crack appears and once it's about to break, all the cracks disappears and i do it all over again, every single day. i took a degree that fucked me, stuck in a dead end job, maybe today's the day that the fates finally had their fill and end it all for me. i hope they do.
Post a Comment
Read more
I've lost everyone i know. I let it become like this, i thought it would feel better, it does don't get me wrong, but it still feels bad. I wish i held onto some of it instead of cutting it all off. I didn't realize that it will sting like this. I'm getting older, and I'm still in pain. it doesn't get any better but i have been through this for so long that I'm almost numb to it all. But on the other hand if they were really my friends and if the friendships was worth it for them, they would've held on to this too, but they didn't. So that's that. I want to do so many things but my dark passenger trips and blocks me every single time i attempt to change. Maybe it's all fucked and i gotta learn to be at peace. 
Post a Comment
Read more