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I know, in my heart, that it's done.
I just don't know how to end it. I have nothing and am nothing.
I can't talk or type about this without ending up crying and sobbing like a fucking baby.
And it hurts all the time, and that's the truth. I need help and i can't find it,
that's a god damn lie, i don't deserve to be helped.

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I remember standing at the gate and you came to me, You came and asked me to stop calling you mama. My soul shattered at that moment, I was 7 or 8. ---- I remembered giving up on myself at that moment, I don't belong. I don't belong anywhere. --- I dreamt i was in your embrace, I dreamt we were laughing over dinner, How you were proud of me and told me you love me No matter what. Then i woke up in the nightmare that is my life. --- Would dying hurt? Is it like a black tide that sweeps you into the dark ocean? Or is it like drifting somewhere? Would anyone miss me when i'm gone? I have spent far too long contemplating this, Should i just get this over and done with? I feel like the weight of all this pain is breaking my shoulders, crushing me. And all i can afford to do is to let it.
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