why am i getting so emotional whenever im updating my blog, a lot of years worth of pain is in this, no one will ever read this nor know that i have a blog. i hate having no money, i hate having ask from you guys, you think i want to? if you want me to fucking work, i'll fucking work goddamnit, and everyone fucking thinks i have money, like i don't even have a dollar on me, i'm not asking for your sympathy, seriously. i feel that you don't care at all, you said you're gonna help me with this, nothing's been happening, what do you mean that you're gonna help? you are not giving me any more money, i get it, for fuck sake what do you want me to do? steal? i can do that, easily. but i don't want to be that person anymore, i really don't. it's very hard to wake up everyday and know that nothing is guaranteed, i hate the fact that i'm so weak, mentally physically and emotionally. i just want this all to end, end please end.
results are back, and i failed like shit.. seriously..i know i'm dumb.. but THIS dumb..come on.. i can't even bear to see the pink slip ever again.. i don't wanna sound like a sissy but.. even i disappoint myself.. there's no other words to describe it.. i'm so lost.. i need to get on with my fucking life. and maybe things don't come my way cause' i forget HIM i don't think of him, i don't thank him.. i feel like i have to prove something to everybody.. your faces say it all...it hit me..i let you guys down i let myself down, maybe i'm crapping and my head is playing with me.. i replayed all kinds of scenario of what could happen.. it's just that i missed the part where i would fail badly.. damn it.. i'm just lucky to have friends like qua, faz, mira, eri, jup, faritz and lately khairi..yes...thanks for the encouragements, that's all i need for now.. u tend to take granted of things and only begin to realize your mistakes once you not...
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