money would solve my problems or at least numb the pain at least. but i barely have it and it's glaringly painful. i would have helped a lot of people if i had money. how do i let this pain go? i am the king of pretending one day and the next i am in pieces. i am in pain and i don't know how to make it go away. what if i made different choices in key decisions of my life. i would be around people i love, i would still have friends, i would still be in a family nuclei. would i be happy then? would i be fulfilled? but the decisions i've made has either killed or blocked these scenarios from ever happening or working out. That's the truth, and i have to learn to be okay with that.