Devil said Dance

both of you broke me and i am still trying to fix myself, and the reality is that i probably won't till the day i die. i feel like my mind and my soul is broken. in my madness amidst the overwhelming pain of the mental and emotianal trauma, i've cut all ties to the world, to the people i knew but let's be honest, we weren't close anyway.. -- I never, never want to go home Because I haven't got one

why am i the way i am? i do so many things that i know will hurt me but i keep on doing it, like a fucking broken record. and the fucked up thing is that most of the times it's as if i'm having an out of body experience, looking down on my stupid ass making stupid mistakes and then like a snap i'm in it and fucking sweating like a fucking bitch. i don't know how to stop it. i'm so fucking tired of being this way, i need help and i don't know where or who is willing to even help my bitch ass when i obviously can't even help myself. 

i didn't know her but it makes me sad to see someone that was nice to me gone, it's weird.  it pains me to see someone with everything going for them in life to have it all taken away in an instant, life doesn't give a fuck, and it's cruel to see people who deserve life have it taken away from them. i wish peace and love to you. -- i wish i was the one that's gone, i have nothing to live for, no one that gives af besides someone from my past who is suffering from dementia who fucked my life up and yeah. there is nothing. growing older sucks and the reality is that it probably won't get any better, my shit is so insignificant that it hurts to think and feel. i wished i made some different choices in life, regrets and pain is all i have left in the tank, i am here but i am not here at the same time,