Skip to main content

33

 I'm beginning to have grey hairs,

yet i'm still wandering around like a fucking child.

i'm unsure of a lot of things, living alone and trying to get to the next paycheck month after month is my reality.

people say comparing is bad, but how can i hide from the truth, even i'm not that daft.

to put into perspective, after crossing out the t's and dotting the i's, i have nothing literally.

i have no one, i have no family. i have no friends, i am putting on this fake ass shit mask and pretend everything's good ya know, but it's getting old. real quick.

there is a lot of uncertainty, of whether i still want to make something out of my time here or just take the L and leave. it's not bitching out if there's no point. 

maybe that's the thing isn't it, the point of it all, what is the point of living when you can't win, how long more can i go on and be a bitch and just pretend something will work out and become old and alone and then die of a heart attack or something.

there is no one reading this shit so it's easy to bea honest i guess.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

These past few days has been shittier than normal. How do you stay positive? Maybe it's all the junk i stuff in my face, hoping to fill the big motherfucking hole in my life. I'm so deep in the hole that the light goes in and out for a split second before it disappears and leave me, There was a time when i used to look forward to the future, but my body physically cringes at the thought of trying to live for another day, i sit here and wait for things to change which i know that it fucking won't but i still wait. I have cut ties from everyone that i know, all the "family and friends" but the truth is sometimes they are the ones who cut ties with me, it's hard being honest with myself cos sometimes i lie to myself to just make it through the day, that people around me actually gave a fuck but they don't. am i a narcissist? the thoughts in my head gets so deafening that i prefer silence most of the time. and when it all dials down i need to blast music in my...
Post a Comment
Read more
I've lost everyone i know. I let it become like this, i thought it would feel better, it does don't get me wrong, but it still feels bad. I wish i held onto some of it instead of cutting it all off. I didn't realize that it will sting like this. I'm getting older, and I'm still in pain. it doesn't get any better but i have been through this for so long that I'm almost numb to it all. But on the other hand if they were really my friends and if the friendships was worth it for them, they would've held on to this too, but they didn't. So that's that. I want to do so many things but my dark passenger trips and blocks me every single time i attempt to change. Maybe it's all fucked and i gotta learn to be at peace. 
Post a Comment
Read more
i feel like i am worthless, i know i am, i can't amount to anything good. i spend hours telling myself that i am actually a good person with a normal life but i am not. this feeling of emptiness inside me makes me go crazy. i know i am a disappointment, a burden to your perfect family. i'm sorry for being born and brought into your perfect existence. i wished i had died with my mother. i wished i wasn't here today, at all. i am not saying this just because of a bad day or what but i have felt this way most of my life and nothing you say or you can do that will change that. i am just so tired of all this.
Post a Comment
Read more