Skip to main content
Days past i feel empty and hollow,
Nights go on but i can hear them calling my name
i want to feel something.

----

I don't know how i am surviving,
i don't know how i am making it through the day without ending my life.
i just want the pain to stop,
i want to stop trying to hope that this is the last day of my life.
i want to feel what the other normal people feel
even for just a while.

i know that most people do not understand 
this pain, this longing 
to belong
they act as if they do but they really don't.
they do this to make themselves feel better about themselves.
even the ones who think they are closest to me don't know about my struggles.

till next time.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

i feel it all going away, i closed my eyes and my youth is gone and i am old now, with nothing to my name, my shadow being my only company. my dreams get darker by the day, the crevice where my soul should be gets emptier and more hollow. but in my darkest times, memories of people i consider family at one point in my life crosses my mind and before my heart breaks everything seemed okay for that couple of minutes, and then reality sets in. and everything comes into focus how do you go on and pretend everything's okay when you know deep down inside that it's better off dying than to be alone. i have been alone for so long that i find myself actively avoiding everyone even though i want to be around people that want me to be around but that does not exist. everyone leaves eventually and i hate that it's still painful whenever it comes to mind, people i consider friends and family ghosting and eventually i am alone. Maybe that's how my life is supposed to end up, tired an...
There is only one way i make it through this shithole of an existance and i know i'm not gonna get it. Maybe it's a good thing that things don't work out for me in this life, but it does suck when every day is so hard to get through. Yeah i get, get over it dude. there are people who are worse off and shit, but i am not them. I have pretended to be someone i'm not for so long, amongst people who actually don't give a fuck if i'm still here or not.  What's real at this point, what's things song and dance i pretend to do, day in day out, at this point. What's the point in it all ya know. Maybe i'm just bitter, maybe i'm being a bitch. I know things can be worse like being broke broke or not having anywhere to sleep, maybe i should be grateful of the little things in life, see the good and shit.
money would solve my problems or at least numb the pain at least. but i barely have it and it's glaringly painful. i would have helped a lot of people if i had money. how do i let this pain go? i am the king of pretending one day and the next i am in pieces. i am in pain and i don't know how to make it go away. what if i made different choices in key decisions of my life. i would be around people i love, i would still have friends, i would still be in a family nuclei. would i be happy then? would i be fulfilled?  but the decisions i've made has either killed or blocked these scenarios from ever happening or working out. That's the truth, and i have to learn to be okay with that.