Devil said Dance

I've been spending my time contemplating on getting things that i want, i want to be with a girl that does not want to be with me, i want to be with a family that does not want me, i want to be immersed in a religion that i don't believe in, i want to feel love but i don't deserve it.

I have lived most of my life in a lie that sometimes it's hard to differentiate between the two, i created a bubble where i am this amazing guy who actually mattered, who is actually genuinely loved by his family. but i know that will never and i am actually okay with that.

I lie about everything in my life, i lie about everything and it comes to a point where i am not ashamed of it anymore. i know i shouldn't do it, i know i shouldn't be pretending about it especially to myself, but it makes me continue living, makes me want to go another day in this earth. i wish i was not like this but i have made peace with it even though i am not, if that makes any sort of sense.

I am lost, i am wandering around aimlessly in my dreams, i wish for a new beginning that can never happen.

Goodbye for now.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

i'm not gonna elaborate, let's say i was "caught". hahaha ---- stupid pricks, get a LIFE! and how the hell you took my pic without me noticing. must be a fucking student. hahahaha ---- haters everywhere. ---- here are some wonderful comments, hahaha "eddie_21 said on 20 Jan, 2009 just smoking only what..is it a shame to smoke then ask the govt to stop selling lar..then ite student not human ar y cannot smoke" "ttantzew said on 20 Jan, 2009 Two wrongs should be equal to 1 right. Negative + Negative = Positive" "youbusybody said on 20 jan, 2009 Big deal" and personally, a favorite of mine... "CharSiewBau said on 20 Jan, 2009 he's outside school already what. i mean most people will just look-and-bye why care so much about other people. moreover there are tons of students in uniform smoking nowadays

There is only one way i make it through this shithole of an existance and i know i'm not gonna get it. Maybe it's a good thing that things don't work out for me in this life, but it does suck when every day is so hard to get through. Yeah i get, get over it dude. there are people who are worse off and shit, but i am not them. I have pretended to be someone i'm not for so long, amongst people who actually don't give a fuck if i'm still here or not. What's real at this point, what's things song and dance i pretend to do, day in day out, at this point. What's the point in it all ya know. Maybe i'm just bitter, maybe i'm being a bitch. I know things can be worse like being broke broke or not having anywhere to sleep, maybe i should be grateful of the little things in life, see the good and shit.

Modric Celebrating Making his mark! ------------------------------------------------------------ 5-0, the final score.. we played roma in a pre-season friendly bentley and bent scoring doubles each whilst lennon added another we are playing well! hope we will bring our form to the upcoming season