Devil said Dance

I've been spending my time contemplating on getting things that i want, i want to be with a girl that does not want to be with me, i want to be with a family that does not want me, i want to be immersed in a religion that i don't believe in, i want to feel love but i don't deserve it.

I have lived most of my life in a lie that sometimes it's hard to differentiate between the two, i created a bubble where i am this amazing guy who actually mattered, who is actually genuinely loved by his family. but i know that will never and i am actually okay with that.

I lie about everything in my life, i lie about everything and it comes to a point where i am not ashamed of it anymore. i know i shouldn't do it, i know i shouldn't be pretending about it especially to myself, but it makes me continue living, makes me want to go another day in this earth. i wish i was not like this but i have made peace with it even though i am not, if that makes any sort of sense.

I am lost, i am wandering around aimlessly in my dreams, i wish for a new beginning that can never happen.

Goodbye for now.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

i'm not gonna elaborate, let's say i was "caught". hahaha ---- stupid pricks, get a LIFE! and how the hell you took my pic without me noticing. must be a fucking student. hahahaha ---- haters everywhere. ---- here are some wonderful comments, hahaha "eddie_21 said on 20 Jan, 2009 just smoking only what..is it a shame to smoke then ask the govt to stop selling lar..then ite student not human ar y cannot smoke" "ttantzew said on 20 Jan, 2009 Two wrongs should be equal to 1 right. Negative + Negative = Positive" "youbusybody said on 20 jan, 2009 Big deal" and personally, a favorite of mine... "CharSiewBau said on 20 Jan, 2009 he's outside school already what. i mean most people will just look-and-bye why care so much about other people. moreover there are tons of students in uniform smoking nowadays...

results are back, and i failed like shit.. seriously..i know i'm dumb.. but THIS dumb..come on.. i can't even bear to see the pink slip ever again.. i don't wanna sound like a sissy but.. even i disappoint myself.. there's no other words to describe it.. i'm so lost.. i need to get on with my fucking life. and maybe things don't come my way cause' i forget HIM i don't think of him, i don't thank him.. i feel like i have to prove something to everybody.. your faces say it all...it hit me..i let you guys down i let myself down, maybe i'm crapping and my head is playing with me.. i replayed all kinds of scenario of what could happen.. it's just that i missed the part where i would fail badly.. damn it.. i'm just lucky to have friends like qua, faz, mira, eri, jup, faritz and lately khairi..yes...thanks for the encouragements, that's all i need for now.. u tend to take granted of things and only begin to realize your mistakes once you not...

i blog-hop a lot and it has come to my attention that in every other blog i end up in, there will always be those that have their own sypnosis or better yet their own ideal description of what their brand of friends is and should behave like. Some call them hypocrites and some simply label them back stabbers, posers etc, to me personally, i think the labelers themselves are the real hypocrites here. It takes one to know one, they say. And god forbid, i'm one of them. I mean who the hell are you guys to say how your friends should be like? --------- And now making it official, I am a vulgar person. I'll always be vulgar, i'll scold whatever i want, whenever i want and to whomever i want. Too bad for you if you can't take it. And please laa for goodness sake, don't give me the "i think you're bias" crap, bias...haha...it sounds funny the first time around. There is a reason for what i do, there is a reason why i tone down my lingo when talking to some pe...