i really wanted to do this to change my life, i know you did you had to do, it just sucks to be at my expense. it's been almost a month of me doing nothing, i know i should be doing something other than this. i feel like i had an idea what i wanted to do, but all i'm left with is emptiness now, i feel lost, i feel like i lost my way. i know that i have to get a job but everytime i want to do it, there's this little voice that whispers to me what could have been different. i'm just tired of being a nobody, i will change my life, with or without an education.
These past few days has been shittier than normal. How do you stay positive? Maybe it's all the junk i stuff in my face, hoping to fill the big motherfucking hole in my life. I'm so deep in the hole that the light goes in and out for a split second before it disappears and leave me, There was a time when i used to look forward to the future, but my body physically cringes at the thought of trying to live for another day, i sit here and wait for things to change which i know that it fucking won't but i still wait. I have cut ties from everyone that i know, all the "family and friends" but the truth is sometimes they are the ones who cut ties with me, it's hard being honest with myself cos sometimes i lie to myself to just make it through the day, that people around me actually gave a fuck but they don't. am i a narcissist? the thoughts in my head gets so deafening that i prefer silence most of the time. and when it all dials down i need to blast music in my...
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