i really wanted to do this to change my life, i know you did you had to do, it just sucks to be at my expense. it's been almost a month of me doing nothing, i know i should be doing something other than this. i feel like i had an idea what i wanted to do, but all i'm left with is emptiness now, i feel lost, i feel like i lost my way. i know that i have to get a job but everytime i want to do it, there's this little voice that whispers to me what could have been different. i'm just tired of being a nobody, i will change my life, with or without an education.
I've lost everyone i know. I let it become like this, i thought it would feel better, it does don't get me wrong, but it still feels bad. I wish i held onto some of it instead of cutting it all off. I didn't realize that it will sting like this. I'm getting older, and I'm still in pain. it doesn't get any better but i have been through this for so long that I'm almost numb to it all. But on the other hand if they were really my friends and if the friendships was worth it for them, they would've held on to this too, but they didn't. So that's that. I want to do so many things but my dark passenger trips and blocks me every single time i attempt to change. Maybe it's all fucked and i gotta learn to be at peace.
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