It's always easy to blame others. I know how it feels to be blamed. That was a part of my life I regretted going through, doing bad things. I know it's always easy to point the finger to someone who has committed it before but don't you think that if he didn't do it you're just piling in more pain, more guilt into him. Cos there's no way for him to deny it and you believing him. Put yourself in his shoes, feel his pain, feel his anger. Even though he did all those things before in his teen, don't you think he could have change and maybe it's you who misplace it. The feeling when your own family don't trust you, don't believe your words, give you that dirty look, the feeling just makes you want to kill yourself. I know I'm the one to be blamed cos I put myself in this situation but I try to change, be good. No one notice my attempts to turn over a new leaf, I try so hard. All I ask is to give me a chance.
I've lost everyone i know. I let it become like this, i thought it would feel better, it does don't get me wrong, but it still feels bad. I wish i held onto some of it instead of cutting it all off. I didn't realize that it will sting like this. I'm getting older, and I'm still in pain. it doesn't get any better but i have been through this for so long that I'm almost numb to it all. But on the other hand if they were really my friends and if the friendships was worth it for them, they would've held on to this too, but they didn't. So that's that. I want to do so many things but my dark passenger trips and blocks me every single time i attempt to change. Maybe it's all fucked and i gotta learn to be at peace.
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