i was around some happy family and i did not know that kind of happiness, that kind of love, real unconditional love existed. I'm lost and alone and i deserve this. I felt angry and alone and my insides squirm and screamed at the same time. i don't believe that my problems is bigger than anyone else's but i just want this pain to stop. i feel my life is on repeat, like a prison of sorts, a never ending prison. i am losing my grip on hope, on getting over this pain. i want to feel normal, to be normal but i can't. i feel like there's a hole in my heart and soul and it's getting bigger day by day. i am getting closer to the abyss than i feared. i can never normal, i want to feel hope but i cannot, all i feel is pain and sadness and anger, i walk around in my empty shell day by day just existing.