Devil said Dance

 how do you cope when your dream, the career you wanted to do for the remainder of your life gets crushed by the fact that you fucked up, with how your current life is panning out, the fuckery is on multiple levels and there is nothing much you can do about it? how do you then come to the fact that it will never get better? i'm just done.

i dreamt that i was happy, i dreamt that i beat this crippling depression. i dreamt that i got over everything that happened but it's just like a broken slot machine, it's looping all the fucked up shit over and over again, the moment i close my eyes, it doesn't stop.  i want to be better, i want to be happy. -- why did you leave me? why didn't you want me? and then you died.  i don't know who i am and i never will. -- How do i stop this pain and start living, i don't think i can.